What Gaslighting Really Means (and Why It’s Not Just a Buzzword)
By R.L. Crossan
Recently, someone accused me of beliefs I never shared, made assumptions about who I am, and brushed off my calm pushback by saying, “You liberals sure love that word.”
The word in question? Gaslighting.
And they were right about one thing: it’s a word we hear more often these days. But they were wrong about what it means — and why it matters.
Let’s take a step back.
🧠 What Is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where someone tries to make you doubt your own perception of reality.
It’s not the same as disagreeing.
It’s not just lying.
It’s not simply being rude.
Gaslighting is intentional — it’s about undermining your trust in your own thoughts, memory, or feelings to gain control in a conversation or relationship.
🕯️ Where the Term Comes From
The word comes from a 1938 play (and later a 1944 film) called Gaslight, in which a husband manipulates his wife by slowly dimming the gas-powered lights in their home and then insisting she’s imagining the change.
Over time, his constant denial of her experiences drives her to question her sanity.
It’s a dramatized version of a real tactic: deny, deflect, distort — until the other person loses confidence in their own mind.
🧾 3–5 Clear Examples of Gaslighting
1. "You're too sensitive."
When someone hurts you and you explain how it made you feel, but they dismiss your response instead of taking accountability. Over time, you start to wonder if your reactions are always “too much.”
2. "I never said that."
You clearly remember a comment or promise. They deny ever saying it, with such conviction that you start to second-guess yourself.
3. "Everyone agrees you're wrong."
Instead of using facts, they appeal to imagined consensus. It’s not about whether you’re right — it’s about isolating you by implying you’re alone or irrational.
4. "You're just being emotional."
Used to derail valid arguments or perspectives by painting you as unstable, illogical, or untrustworthy because you care or react.
5. "That never happened."
Even when there’s proof — a message, a conversation, a shared moment — they insist it didn’t occur, hoping repetition will overwrite your memory.
🤔 Why the Word Matters
People don’t use the term “gaslighting” because it’s trendy. They use it because it describes something real — and hard to name.
When someone twists the conversation to make you feel irrational or unhinged, it’s not just disrespectful — it’s destabilizing. And when it happens often enough, it can damage a person’s self-trust and confidence.
In political spaces, it’s often used to:
Reframe facts as opinions
Dismiss someone’s experience as hysteria
Attack character instead of ideas
🕊️ How to Respond Without Falling Into the Trap
Stay grounded in what you know. If you remember something clearly, you don’t need someone else’s permission to believe it.
Don’t get derailed. If the conversation suddenly shifts from the issue to your emotions or character, steer it back to facts.
Set boundaries. You’re allowed to disengage when a discussion becomes manipulative.
✍️ Final Reflection
Gaslighting isn’t about disagreement. It’s about distortion. And calling it out isn’t a “liberal thing” — it’s a human thing.
We all deserve conversations where we can disagree without being discredited.
We all deserve relationships where truth matters more than control.
And we all benefit from learning the difference between being challenged — and being manipulated.
There’s strength in clarity. And no shame in standing firm in your reality.